Timeline of John Hoff Oklahoma Law License Application and Results

Friday, March 25, 2011

Johnny Northside Meets Jigsaw in Saw VII

Johnny Northside meets Jigsaw

Alright, this post is merely a Hollywood fantasy I sort of made up but, wouldn't John Hoff aka Johnny Northside be the ultimate person to appear in a Saw movie? Here is how I could envision the scene starting out in a small room with John is strapped to a chair. As his eyes slowly open he see's Jigsaw sitting with a TV next him. John looks down at himself and moves his free hand when he notices a string attached that turns the TV which starts a video. Jigsaw's face appears and says....

"In your adult life alone you have:

• Humiliated people in public, deserving or not.
• Aggressively attacked people’s character, un-provoked.
• Portrayed yourself as an activist while hiding a dirty past.
• Caused your ex-wife to move to two different states to get away from you.
• You abused public programs to fund your education and refuse to pay it back or apply your education to help others.
• You have made a mockery of the court system.
• You rarely pay court fees while passing the costs onto the public.
• You brag about unethical things you have done in the past.
• You were such an ass that the people of Grand Forks voted to recall you from the City Council in less than six months.
• As a father, you are always behind with your financial responsibility.
• You have taken advantage of people’s trust for personal gain.
• You have attacked people for paying taxes late yet, you are never on time.
• You feel the rules and laws do not apply to you.
• You accuse others of crime such as murder with no proof.
• Apologizing to those you have wronged has never happened.
• You once called the police “pigs with badges” yet now you kiss their ass.
Good God! I am not even halfway thru the list, you piece of shit!

Here are the rules of the game:
Because you refuse to accept responsibility and have used & hurt so many people for your selfish reasons and accomplished your objectives mainly by talking and writing on the Internet, in public, newspapers and in books (to name a few)… It is obvious the only things you love, rely on and can’t do without is your voice when you speak and your hands when you write.

You notice that your tongue has been secured to a cable attached to a winch and one of your hands is secured to a cutting board. In front of you is a meat cleaver that you can use to sever your hand by using your free hand. You will see above your hand is a circular saw that will drop down to the board and proceed to cut it off at the wrist if you do not hack your own hand off with the cleaver.

If you choose to cut your own hand off, you will be released. A belt is by your feet that you can use as a Tourna quite to stop the bleeding and you will live.

If you do not follow these rules within 60 seconds the winch will slowly wind the cable that will pull your tongue out of your mouth and the saw will proceed to cut your hand off. The added bonus will be 3 blood-hungry Pit Bulls that will be released into the room when your time expires. They will begin to maul you as you have mauled all of your victims in your lifetime.
Live or die. Make your choice."

(Anti-Johnny shakes his head) Oh... If only it were not a day dream! Maybe the producers of the Saw movies will see this and agree that the next Saw movie should have a character based off of John Hoff?
I should get a finders fee though. Haha

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