Northside, Johnny Northside: Imaginary Secret Agent On The Move As Trackers Close In

Secret Agent John Hoff AKA 00-Hoff. Photo courtesy of StarTribune

I can just picture the scene in my head as I laugh uncontrollably. James Bond music starts playing as John Hoff AKA Johnny Northside, wait, I meant, 00 (as in Double "O") Northside walks across the screen, dressed to no frill in a suit that doesn't fit, his tie resembling a used car salesman's that only covers half his beer belly, then he turns and pulls his cell phone like Bond pulls his gun. 00-Hoff shows his cocky little grin as he knows he is the best secret agent since James Bond. The sad thing about that scene is John Hoff probably played that role in his mind so many times that he starts to see himself as someone he isn't.

He was born John Hoff. Since then he has become John Hoffman, the author of two critically acclaimed books (sarcasm) on Dumpster Diving and then he became Northside... Johnny Northside.
Since 2008, Northside has fought the forces of evil in north Minneapolis. Using his Blog, he has been completely ruthless with his written attacks against his targets. What sets him apart from other people who rant online is who he targets. He won't go after high profile politicians or corporate big shots because, those people will always have people willing to defend them.
Instead, Hoff targets people the general public would not want to defend and that has sort of given him a license to attack, smear, expose and exploit. At least it appears to be the case in his mind as he has launched cyber attacks against "slumlords," sex offenders and anyone who has been arrested. It doesn't matter if someone ended up having charges dropped or found not guilty because, he exploits them as being guilty of being arrested and that is good enough for him. After all, no one is going to want to defend one of his targets or they risk becoming a target as well.

Hoff is known around the world though. If you ask anyone if they remember the "Blogosphere Trial of the Century" their expressions perk up as they appear to have heard of it. They respond by saying, "YES! Who could forget that famous police chase with the white Bronco." No, no no... NOT the OJ Simpson "Trial of the Century!" They look confused and shake their heads and admit, "Oh, then I have no idea what you are talking about."

The Blogosphere Trial of the Century was the case where Hoff was sued for getting someone fired for "telling the truth" about them. Well, sort of. Hoff tells partial truths and in that case, he lost when a jury ordered him to pay his victim $60,000. The lawyer who beat him has since become his favorite target after the ruling was reversed on appeal. Recently, Hoff has been going nuts on his blog saying that the plaintiff in that case owes him a judgement of nearly $4,000 from the legal fee's. Fee's Hoff claims he paid with his own money but, it is more likely that the special interest group paid them after they jumped on his side when the case was spun into a free speech case.

Yes, Hoff seems to love playing the part of a secret agent who is simply too smart for anyone trying to oppose him... Or find him.
Find him? He is Johnny Northside! He lives in north Minneapolis and his address is widely known so, how hard can it be to find him and why would anyone want to find him?
00-Hoff has made being served with legal papers into a 'catch me if you can' game. He has written about his supreme secret agent skills and his ability to go stealth or invisible. His victims also take an interest in his where-a-bouts. I don't know what they would want to talk to him about in person but, 00-Hoff doesn't want them to find him. 00-Hoff also doesn't want to be served with legal papers, no matter what the reasons for being served may be.

In my personal opinion, secret agent Hoff is an asshole. There are a LOT of other people who share the same opinion and some of those people spend time trying to find out if 00-Hoff is at home in north Minneapolis while he tirelessly blogs about what happens in his neighborhood and the evil ones who he loves to write about. There are people who play along with his secret agent, 'catch me if you can' game and 00-Hoff revels with the knowledge that he has people scouring all over Minneapolis, looking for him. He might be thinking to himself, 'Yes! Look for me in Minneapolis! That is where I live. That is where my blog focuses and it stands to reason that I must be there as well."

That is the fantasy world inside the mind of a nut-case who likes to pretend he lives the life of a secret agent.
This is the real world though. The real world has a few people keeping an eye out for John Hoff. One of them has done a good job of keeping an eye out for Hoff and they came to me to let me know that Hoff is not in Minneapolis. He makes an appearance from time to time to give the impression he is there but, the gifted "tracking tipster" proved Hoff is no invisible secret agent.

00-Hoff is not a secret agent. He is merely John Hoff and he has been working in a small-ish town just outside of Ada, Oklahoma. Seminole, Oklahoma to be exact. I am still trying to confirm who he works for but, I am certain he works in the legal field. I doubt he commutes to Seminole, Oklahoma from north Minneapolis.

JOHN! Your cover is blown!
(The screen goes to black as the music from James Bond starts to play)